Thursday, September 23, 2010

Failure...

So I had a 30 day challenge....and while I completed the 30 days worth of devos, I stopped posting them up here.  .....I apologize!!! I have a billion excuses (and a lot are pretty valid) but it's whatever.

Moral of the story.

I need to stick to blogging once a week and not every day! Because that way I don't get 'blogger burn out'.

Love you all! Sorry I've been so absent! Got some good blogs forming in my head, so be on the lookout!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Thirteen & Fourteen

Sorry Sorry Sorry!!!! The past four days have been crazy!  Waking up early, babysitting, doing church stuff, going to work, hanging with the fam. So my bad for not posting. But here they are!!

Hope your devos are going fantastic!

Day 13

Isaiah 57:1-2 1 Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time.  But no one seems to care or wonder why.  No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from evil to come. 2 For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die. (NLT)

While this passage doesn't explain everything, it does shed some light on perhaps why people who are good and love God pass away before "their time".  Or at least the time we think they should pass.  This passage personally gives me peace.

Day 14

Isaiah 58:11 "The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.  You will be a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.  
Isaiah 58:14 Then the Lord will be your delight I will give you great honor and satisfy you with the inheritance I promised to your ancestor Jacob.  I, the Lord, have spoken!" (NLT)

The Lord is everything I need.  Not only does He guide me and provide me with the strength I need to pursue His plan, he also is everything I need to be satisfied.  He not only leads, but fulfills everything I need.  He is my joy! He is my desire.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Twelve

Day 12

When I was little, I was always confused why God had a Chosen People: the Israelites.  Did He not love everyone the same? Why does the Bible single them as His special children?

I don't really know all, or even most, of the answers.  But I do know that God is good. And Great.  And that this weeks devos answered some of what I used to wonder.


First, the Old Testament


  • Isaiah 56: 6 "I will also bless the foreigners who commit themselves to the Lord, who serve him and love his name, who worship him and do no desecrate the Sabbath day of rest, and who hold fast to my commandments." (NLT)

Then the New Testament

  • Acts 15:8-9 8 God knows the people's hearts, and he confirmed that he accepts Gentiles [non-Jews] by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us. 9 He made no distinction between us and them, for he cleansed their hearts through faith. (NLT with added explanation)
  • Acts 15:11 We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus. (NLT)


The Lord never intended to not save the Gentiles, to not love them.  He's called all of us.  Even in the old testament, throughout the prophets, he extends His grace to the "not chosen" people.  In the New Testament Paul argues the Gentiles case.  God has chosen us to be His people.
1 Peter 2:8-9
 
 9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. 10 “Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.” (NLT)

We're His!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Eleven

Day 11

It's hard to trust God when you don't see Him.  It's hard to trust His plan when you see "nothing" being accomplished.  It's rough sharing your faith when all you receive in return is rejection. It's next to impossible to take the next step when you don't trust where your foot will land.

It's a good thing that none of it is in our own hands.  Even when we don't understand or comprehend, the Lord has good in store for us (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

Isaiah 55 8-9 "8 My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord.  "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." (NLT)

As children of God, we can have full confidence in the Lord's plan for our lives.  For the last month I've been struggling with finding solid fellowship.  I have amazing friends! Don't get me wrong.  But finding those who share my faith and want to grow as badly as I do has been rough.  I feel like I'm not doing enough, not sharing enough, not searching hard enough.  When I do share, I feel like my words are rejected.  Even shunned and laughed at.  But His ways are far beyond my ways.  I know He has good planned for me.

Isaiah 55:10-11 10 "The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth.  They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. 11 It is the same with my word.  I send it out, and it always produces fruit.  It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it." (NLT)

It's not up to me who accepts or declines God's Word.  But it is up to me whether I live a lifestyle that screams Jesus.  God's Will will be done, with or without my help.  I only need to trust and give my all to Him.

Thank goodness it's not up to me! ;)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ten

Feeling so much better today. Yay good sleep.
Proud of you all!!! We're a third of the way through this 30 Day Challenge. Keep it up!

S Acts 13: 38-39 38 "Brothers, listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins. 39 Everyone who believes in him is declared right with God--something the law of Moses could never do. (NLT)

O Paul had been preaching to the Jewish people in the synagogue, telling them that the law could not save them. Works were not enough.  Following all 600+ laws of the Torah could not bring salvation. Only belief in Christ can make one right with God.

A Do I live by the law? Or by Christ? Many times I "do things" just so I can feel accomplished. I try to earn my way to Christ. But the Bible is very clear that only belief and God's grace will bring salvation.
Ephesians 2:8-9 8God saved you by his grace when you believed.  And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us vcan boast about it. (NLT)

P Thank you Jesus that it is all you and none of me!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Nine

Today I'm pretty sick with a head cold. So I'm just going to post the passage I got this morning and let the Word do the talking. :)


Isaiah 54:4-6 4 "Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.  Don't be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.  You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood.  5 For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven's Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.  6 For the Lord has called you back from your grief--as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband," says your God. " (NLT)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Eight

Today is an absolutely gorgeous day here in North West Washington.  Too bad I'm in school and at work for most of the day. Oh the irony. Here's day 8! Keep it up all you 30 Day Challengers! And if you haven't started, it's alright, you can finish the challenge with me. :) You can be 22 Day Challengers. Still just as cool!

Day 8

S Isaiah 53:4-5 4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down.  And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! 5 But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed. (NLT)

O Isaiah is talking about deliverance for Jerusalem (or Israel) through God's servant (the Messiah).  He prophecies what the Servant will endure for God's people.  That every sin of God's people (and ultimately the world) are placed on the Servant's shoulders.  

A  Do you really understand how great and important the Cross is?  We take it for granted so so often. God's Grace for us is incredible!!! If we could just wrap our minds around even a part of the Cross, our perspective would change drastically.  "He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed." Jesus Christ died and took your sins so you can have relationship with Christ.  Grace and Christ's sacrifice is at the center of Christianity (what Christianity should be.)! No other religion can claim that.  No other religion requires nothing but acceptance of God's gift: the Cross. His Son.

P  Lord, so often we take for granted what you did on that Cross.  Remind me daily of your incredible love and sacrifice.  Remind me that you have made me clean, pure, holy, but that cleanliness did come at a very high price.  You alone are good Lord. Thank you for accepting me just as I am.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Seven

This one hit home for me. So it might be a little rough, but it definitely spoke to me and was needed. If you're to read any of my 30 Day Challenge entries I'd check out this one. 

P.s. Still loving hearing about your devos! God's rocking some of you and I love seeing it. Keep it up! So proud of you.

Day 7

Isaiah 52:1-2 
1 Wake up, wake up, O Zion! Clothe yourself with strength. Put on your beautiful clothes, O holy city of Jerusalem, for unclean and godless people will enter your gates no longer. 2 Rise from the dust, O Jerusalem. Sit in a place of honor. Remove the chains of slavery from your neck, O captive daughter of Zion. (NLT)

I mess up all the time.  I fail. It frustrates me! I give into sin like I give in to the desire to eat chocolate chip cookies.  I flirt with temptation.  I enter the kitchen where I know the smell will haunt me.  I look at the cookies and don't stop myself when I know I'm beginning to give in.  I then pick up that cookie jar, telling myself that I can resist, but knowing full well that I'll give in eventually.  Finally I take that cookie...my sin...and I indulge.  To the point where I feel like I'm going to throw up. Sometimes physically sick.

And yet...every time I mess up God's there to pick me back up.  It's ridiculous to me! My finite mind can't wrap  around the fact that my Father sees me as clean.  Does that give me permission to sin? No.  But it does give me permission to accept grace and the Cross. I can take Christ's sacrifice and "Remove the chains of slavery from your [my] neck..." and continue in His grace for His purpose.

So Church.  Put on your beautiful clothes.  Clothe yourself with strength.  Forget your shame.  Remove your chains.  Sit in a place of honor where Christ has put you.  You are forgiven.  You are holy through the Cross.  

Five & Six

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Sorry I haven't been posting journal entries...I have a litany of excuses but I'll save you the time and just post the entries...

Day 5

Acts 10:15 15 But the voice spoke again: “Do not call something unclean if God has made it clean.” (NLT)

Up to this point Peter, a disciple of Jesus, had not eaten anything forbidden in the law.  But God called him to eat all these "unclean" animals (snakes, birds, other animals).  Peter then goes on to Cornelius' (a Roman) house and brings them the Good News and Cornelius and his household are saved and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

So who am I to say someone isn't "clean enough" to be saved?  Who am I to deny Christ to anyone? No matter their sins, they're not greater than my own.  They're not greater than yours.  Anyone can and will be cleaned by Christ's grace if they accept Him.  Who am I to stand in the way?

Day 6

Isaiah 51:12-13 12 I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.  So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear.  13 Yet you have forgotten the Lord, your Creator, the one who stretched out the sky like a canopy and laid the foundations of the earth.  Will you remain in constant dread of human oppressors? Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies? Where is their fury and anger now? It is gone! (NLT)

It says it right there: "I, yes I am the one who comforts you." I have nothing to fear from anybody.  The Lord protects and gives me strength.  So when I feel alone up here in Bellingham (because trust me, I do), I can trust and know that He is here with me.  There is nothing anyone can do to me. 

God rocks.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Four

Day 4

Woah woah woah. Posted this sooo late! My bad! I had work....and running...and napping.

Acts 9: 15-16 15But the Lord said, "Go, for Saul is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles and to kings, as well as to the people of Israel.  16 And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name's sake." (NLT)

While devos didn't "feel as deep" today, these couple verses really stuck out. Scared me actually, "And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name's sake." ...scary.  And yet in reading Paul's letters (Ephesians, the Corinthian letters, Romans!) Paul gladly takes the hardships and lets the Lord turn it into joy. Rather than being afraid of God's purpose for him, he embraced and let God work in amazing ways. Makes me love this passage incredibly more!!! :
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Each time he said, "My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  10 That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." (NLT)

My thoughts are jumbled. God's way sweet.  Paul is the man.  Hope it makes some sense. :) But! Loving all the responses hearing people's devos!!!! Keep it up! 4 days down, 26 to go!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Three

Day 3

Hope your devos have been going swell the past three days!

Acts 8:29-31  29 The Holy Spirit said to Philip, "Go over and walk along beside the carriage." 30 Philip ran over and heard the man reading from the prophet Isaiah.  Philip asked, "Do you understand what you are reading?" 21 The man replied, "How can I, unless someone instructs me?" And he urged Philip to come up into the carriage and sit with him. (NLT)

When is the last time you felt the Holy Spirit prompt you to do something? Say something? Read? Pray? Did you do it?  Or perhaps you thought it was your mind just talking to yourself.  I know I struggle with listening and following the Holy Spirit.

What stuck out to me today was "Philip ran..." Crazy! He heard the Holy Spirit and didn't even hesitate.  He didn't walk over.  He didn't stroll over.  He booked it! "The Holy Spirit said to Philip, "Go..."Philip ran..."!!!! That my faith would be like Philip's. That I would run when I hear God's voice.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Two

Day 2

Devos=Legit

Isaiah 49:3-5 3 He said to me, "You are my servant, Israel, and you will bring me glory." 4 I replied, "But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose.  Yet I leave it all in the Lord's hand; I will trust God for my reward." 5 And now the Lord speaks-the one who formed me in my mother's womb to be his servant, who commissioned me to bring Israel back to him. The Lord has honored me, and my God has given me strength. (NLT)

How often do we feel like the "work" we do for the Lord is "useless" or has no affect on His Kingdom?  We try and try to do good, to please God, but in the end we feel as if we accomplished nothing.
It's really not our doing in the first place, yet God chooses to honor us. With the little that "we accomplish" (really it's Him working through us) He acknowledges us anyways.  He gives us strength to continue to live for Him.

What's more!!! He's picked each and every one of us while we were still in our mother's womb.  He laid out a plan, a "commission" for our lives.  All we have to do is say yes and watch as the Lord is glorified through us. It's ridiculous that He chooses to glorify Himself through us: broken, imperfect people.  But through Christ we are made new, we are made perfect.  Through Christ and His grace we are able to honor the Lord with our lives.

Too legit to quit.

***Still would love to hear some of what God is speaking to you!! Shoot me an e-mail/facebook/comment/text.  Love seeing God working in your life!!! :) ***

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

One

Day 1

So if you're unsure as to what "Day 1" means, "Day 1" is the first day of the 30 day devos challenge! Starting today, and for the next 29 days, I'm going to put up what I got each morning for my devos.

I WOULD LOVE if you also shared with me what you got for your devotions. Whether it be a summary of what you got, just posting the verses, maybe getting some S.O.A.P on (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer) I want to hear about it!  So comment, send me a link to your blog showing your daily devos, shoot me an email. There's something about sharing God's Word with your brothers and sisters that's incredibly encouraging. Plus I just love hearing what God is speaking into your lives!

S
Isaiah 48:17 This is what the Lord says-your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow. (NLT)

O The Lord, through the prophet Jeremiah has been berating Israel on and off for the last 47 chapters, and yet God still chooses to forgive and gently lead Israel in the right direction.  Despite Israel's rebelliousness, God continues to teach them and lead them. Crazy!

A  If the Lord does that for Israel, will He not do the same for me? Heck yes He will and does! Grace through Jesus Christ makes me clean and the Lord continues to lead me onto His path.  Even when I stray.  He continues to teach me even when I wander. I can have faith in His promise and know His ways are the best for me.

P  Lord, thank you for Your grace. Thank you for always teaching and guiding me without fail.  Even when I disregard You, You still want and patiently wait for me. Help me to stay on your path and follow your teachings rather than rebel.  You are my God and I will follow you.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Devos Whaa?

Relationships.

Why do relationships seem to be so hard all of the time?  Not just romantic relationships (Which is hard! Such a noob to this dating thing.) but relationships with our families, our friends, co-workers, classmates.  The list goes on and on.  We as people tend to fail at them. Well at least I do so I'm assuming others do too.

Growing up I kind of failed at relationships, or friendships. I had 2 friends growing up with whom I spent all my time. Then they moved when I was 8. After that I had short, shallow friendships, but mostly I enjoyed sticking to myself.  Middle school proved to be very difficult, and I found myself more alone then ever.  High school freshman year was hard but I was beginning to come out of my shell.  By my junior year I had 3 amazing lady friends who have been closer than any other friends before! Now I have a few close friends (and you know who you are my homies) whom I love dearly! And a bunch of people who are pretty much my family. Shout out to the LW and 4square peeps. ...okay done trying to be G...

As I look back on the increase of my ability to make real relationships with people I realize there's a strong, defining element that affected ALL of my relationships.  My personal relationship with Christ.  Specifically through my daily devos (or devotions. 'Devos' just sounds more "cool".)

Relationships take constant work.  Notice that it takes hanging out with someone at least once a week to really develop a strong, resounding connection? But even once a week isn't really enough.  The Fantastic Four (Britt D, Megan H, Liz V and myself) met almost everyday in school or after school. We were constantly in communication and relation with each other.  You probably see or talk or chat via Facebook or text your best friends almost every day? Am I right? The moment you stop constant communication you start feeling out of touch.  The same is with the G-Man.

Daily relationship with God is a must.  If you want to grow, if you want confidence in your relationships with others, you
have to have relationship with God first! His relationship with us is the ultimate model of love.  If we can understand just a glimpse of His love for us, then we can return that love onto others. Which will in turn strengthen all of our relationships.  I have not only witnessed this amongst friends and mentors but I've experienced it myself.
1 John 4:19 
19 We love each other because he loved us first. (NLT)  

I challenge you to a 30 day read with me.  Pick up your Bible and read every day for 30 days.  Doesn't have to be a billion chapters, just a couple verses even.  I dare you to see the change in your relationships with others as you strengthen your relationship with God.
As devos became a constant in my life my relationship with my brother was healed in amazing ways, my relationships with others became stronger, and my ability to love through anything became rock solid. 

Doing daily devos isn't going to solve all your relationship problems, but I promise it will influence every aspect of your life: including those you love most.  Getting close to God changes our perspective and enables us to love more freely and openly in a way that only through Christ is possible. 

So deepen your relationship with Christ.  Talk to Him every day.  Learn from Him every morning.  Watch as your relationship with Jesus grows your relationships with people will too.

So!! If you plan on reading the Bible every day for 30 days please comment and let me know! I'm going to put my devos up here every day starting tomorrow and I'd love to see what God's showing you too!!
Psalm 42:1-2 1 As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. 2 I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? (NLT)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Challenging Clay

It's been almost a month since my last blog post. Summer school!!!!!!! ....ugh.  Cramming 12 weeks of work into 6 weeks means lots of homework all the time. Good news though, only 2 weeks left!!!! I'm ready to be done.

Sometimes...a lot of times...as you have read in my other posts, I don't understand why God has placed me where I'm at.  I want to be doing organized ministry! Pastoring. But here I am at a very secular and liberal university finishing my degree in Communications. Not theology.  But in my process of following God's will and not my own I've learned so much! I've learned obedience.
When's the last time you questioned God?  "Why am I here?" "Why am I like this?"  "Why did he have to leave me?" "Where am I supposed to go?" "This isn't fair! This isn't right."  Here's a thought for you:

What sorrow waits those who argue with Creator.  Does a clay pot argue with its maker?  Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying,
"Stop, you're doing it wrong!" Does the pot exclaim, "How clumsy can you be?" How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, "Why was I born?" or if it said to its mother, "Why did you make me this way?"

Do you argue with God about the way you were created? Do you challenge Him saying that He has directed your life in the wrong direction? Do you believe that He knows best for you?

"This is what the Lord says - the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: "Do you question what I do for my children?  Do you give me orders about the work of my hands?  I am the one who made the earth and created people to live on it.  With my hands I stretched out the heavens.  All the stars are at my command."

Instead of arguing with God about where you're at, ask Him what you're supposed to be learning, what 
you're supposed to be doing.  In Isaiah 45 God reminds us that we don't need to question Him.  

I know that I've been struggling with questioning His will over the past year.  But through His grace I've come to realize who am I to question the Lord? He is my Creator, I can trust my entirety to His plan.  Rather than question, I will follow.  Rather than argue, I will obey. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 
. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Fathersuarus Rex

I haven't blogged in forever....why? Mostly because I'm lazy. But also because finals combined with work and then finally getting a week off to catch up on all my sleep...well just didn't happen. Hope you didn't mind. :)

So I'm doing Summer quarter. Woot. I guess. Actually it starts Tuesday and will go for six weeks. Then I'll get my month off before finishing my last year!!! Crazy...only one year until graduation. Excited! So why am I not taking as much of break as normally planned this summer...well sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Life's a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes you just have to plow through that billion degree hill and not stop even when you feel like you legs are going to fall off.

People are almost always surprised when I say I'm doing summer quarter. Who in their right mind would continue taking classes when they could have a break?!! At least that's what I used to say. But!! Finishing school two years early sounds wonderful to me. :) Then Australia? I think so.

So where's the lesson in this blog post? I'm not sure...kinda rambling. Maybe sometimes taking the hard route now will pay off in the end. Heck yes class of 2011!!  But!!!! I do have a sweet picture to show you for this Father's Day:

FATHERSUARUS REX
It's a pasta painting. :)


This was more of an update blog. :) But I'll have some "deep" ones soon! I have several running through my head, but this week of break has my brain on relax mode and not brainstorm mode. So enjoy this cool picture instead and have a wonderful day!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I Love Jesus

Lacking inspiration on something to blog.  So....I going to branch off a Facebook status update of mine.  The essence of the update included making yummy food, watching The Bachelorette, and thinking that a boyfriend sounds good....

Oh silly Jess...think think think!!! I didn't mention that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, just the thought 
sounded nice. Of course a relationship sounds nice! Don't most of us want that? Someone to who understands and appreciates us? Someone who makes us feel special and fuzzy on the inside.  Someone who lets you be yourself and you feel safe enough to be yourself.  Ugh. Relationships. Ugh. Boys.

Relationships are complicated. I'm not good at them. I really don't have much of a history in relationships.  But that's okay. I don't mind. :)  I've had one relationship, and while I am definitely no expert, I have learned a lot from that experience, and combined with my leaders and pastors' instruction I hope to provide some insight.

So my advice on relationships...


Keep God #1!!!! 
Soooooo important.  The moment your significant other becomes more important than God things will fall apart.  God is the only one who can keep two imperfect people together.  If your focus isn't the Lord then you're not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Exodus 20:2-4  2 “I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. 3 “You must not have any other god but me. 4 “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. (NLT)
This includes making your boyfriend or girlfriend your idol; loving them more than you love God. It's easy to do, trust me.

When in doubt, snuff it out
. If you're questioning whether your getting too physical, sharing too many emotions, wondering if your parents or leaders would approve, then stop!!!! In fact, don't even put yourself in compromising situations. Easier said then done. It's sooo easy to put yourself in a place where the chances giving into temptation are escalated. 
2 Timothy 2:22 22Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (NLT)
If you're questioning, then you should probably stop and avoid. God's given you a conscience for a reason.

Have Accountability!! This is also vastly important!! Let people know you're in a relationship. Let your friends now how you're doing. Check in with your with leaders/pastors/parents.  Find people who have experience (this does not mean your friend who's dated 50 boys and she just entered her freshman year...of high school), let them give you advice and listen to them.
Luke 11:36 
 If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.” (NLT)
You should be transparent in every aspect of your life (Check out this blog!! It's sweet stuff.).

So yes....talking about relationships is awkward. Especially when you're single, but you want relationship, but you're not sure if you're ready, and you're very picky, and you have amazing lady friends who are even pickier, and you have a billion father figures who all want to shoot the boys who come to the front door AND you have a super protective Daddy who has shot most of the boys who have come to the front yard.

So what am I saying???
 I love Jesus. 

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Bottled Emotions

So I had the honor to lead worship at AMPED and LYC (Living Word's middle and high school youth groups) this last Sunday.  Let me tell you, those crazies have energy like no other and I love it!! They make leading worship a breeze.  Which was good because I was held at work 2 hours longer than I had expected and was an hour late to practice. Whoops. But Phil, Sean, Jared and my Dad (sound man!) are amazing and things went awesome. Plus whenever God's in charge things go well. :)

But not only did I get the chance to play guitar and sing, Angel surprised me.  LYC was having a Panel night: several of the leaders sit on a couch up front and students text in questions. Just as they were about to begin Mr. Angel called me up and said I was on the panel. Haha. So that was a fun, last minute, go-with-the-flow evening.


One question that was sent to me via text we weren't able to get to on the panel, but I still feel it's an important issue to address.  So I'll discuss my answer and hopefully you'll get some insight.
"I'm not the type of person that talks about how I feel when I'm going through a hard time.  So basically I keep everything in side. What do I do?"

This question relates a lot to me.  Not being able to share how I truly feel had been a problem for me all growing up. This surprises a lot of people because everyone says I'm so real, so down to earth.  While yes, now I am and in general I was; letting people know I struggled or hurt was one thing I did not do.  I always put on a smile and faked my way through school, church, even at home with my family.  I struggled with deep depression from as far back as I can remember until just last year.  Not just, "Oh I'm sad..." but "Life sucks and I'm not going to try anymore".  Rough stuff.

The crazy thing was...is!...no one ever knew! Not even my own family.  I was so great at putting up that mask.  It wasn't until just a couple months after I turned 18 that I really began to deal with my crap.  And that's when I began to find healing.  Sharing what I was feeling was a huge factor in that!!!


Bottling emotions inside is never a healthy thing.  Denying that you have feelings of rage, anger, hurt,
frustrations, joys betrayal, abandonment, fear, sadness, whatever it might be will create lasting problems in the long run.  Whether you admit to them, they're still there and they'll still affect you, your relationships, and your life.  Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, mentor, pastor, and/or God allows you to admit those feelings are real. And that you do have them (and it's okay to have them!).  
1 Peter 5:6-7  v. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  
Check out 
Psalm 77

For me, being real with my feelings started with journaling. I penciled all my feelings, into my journal in prayer form to Jesus.  Then I started talking to my best friends (some of those included my mentors).  There were only a couple people I was real with and they fully supported me.  While they accepted that I had certain feelings and emotions they did not always agree with them.  If I was angry at myself, they would remind me of God's grace.  If I was hating myself, they would tell me they loved me and more importantly that God loves me.  Finally now, I've been able to be real with everyone.

That doesn't mean I go into my life story, examine every emotion in detail, and ask for advice from everyone I run into.  It means when someone asks me how I'm doing and I'm feeling sad, I'll tell them, "Today's not the best."  I don't have to go into detail; when they ask what's wrong I hardly ever say what the root problem is.  I do go in depth with my pastors, my best friends, and my family.

Going through hard times is so much easier when you have a shoulder to lean on.  Especially if that shoulder is grounded in Christ.  Or that shoulder belongs to Christ.  He's the One who will get you through hard times.  He'll provide you with healing and the strength to make it one more day.  Call on Him and He will answer.

Lamentations 3:55-57  55 But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. 56 You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading!  Hear my cry for help! 57 Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.”

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

"Future Talk" Again?

I'm getting so bad at this consistent blogging thing...maybe it's because last week was my H. E. Double Hockey Sticks week!!! Crazy. I relearned why I don't procrastinate all three of my major papers 'til end of the quarter, days before they're due....never again!

Alas...last week got even better when I failed my motorcycle endorsement course. Whoops.   I failed because I wiped out on the last day. Okay, okay "wiped out" may be too strong of words. But basically I took a turn too tight and too fast, the back wheel spun out, and the bike fell on its side...and on my leg. I'm fine!!! Just got some nice road rash, couple of bruises, pulled a muscle or two, and might have shattered my pride.

So how do I deal with failure? Not very well. I don't like to lose. Don't like to fail. Don't like being told no (It's funny how low self-esteem and pride go hand-in-hand).  It's frustrating when you have plans and they don't work out exactly as planned. Like planning on driving a motorcycle but then failing to earn the license. Sad day! Or perhaps planning on attending Biola University in LA. Or maybe going to Australia to Hillsong College.  Or  recording a demo, putting it on the internet, getting thousands of fans, and scoring a record label. Funny how life doesn't happen the way we mapped it out when we sat down at our kitchen table 5 weeks ago. 5 months ago. Maybe 5 years ago.

In the book of James we're directed to not boast about what we're going to do tomorrow or where we're going to go.

James 4:13-16 13 Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” 14 How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 15 What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” 16 Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil. (NLT)


Plans often don't work out the way we intend them. Instead God opens and closes doors to match His will for your life.  I go to Western Washington University, and trust me, it wasn't my first choice.  But I love the campus up here! God's teaching me amazing things! And I'm meeting people who are pushing me in my musical abilities. It's incredible.  God completely shut my plans to attend a Christian University. Did He stop my desire to be a pastor? Did He shut down my desire to pursue music? No way!! I know God's called me to pastor His people and to d0 what I love, music. I'm just taking a different route then might be typically be expected. 

Jeremiah 17:7-8 
7 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. (NLT)

No matter where I go I know God's going to bless me as long as I remain in His will. As long as my roots are deep in His waters no matter what is thrown at me I'll make it through.  Failing a driving course, failing to write a song every week, failing to score a label, failing in a relationship,  failing to do everything exactly as I have planned isn't going to make me fade away.  My roots are in Christ. My hope and confidence is in His will for my life. When droughts hit me, I'll stay strong.

So I know I've been talking about my future plans a lot...I'm a college student, it's what we do. But I need to more readily realize that I don't need to focus completely on the future and what I'm going to do or what I want to do.  He'll open and close doors.  So hopefully my blog posts will stop being about knowing or not knowing my future and start being about what I'm going through right now.

But yes.

Thanks for reading my ridiculous and crazy thoughts! I so appreciate all the love you show.  Knowing you read my blog makes me feel fuzzy and warm inside. :)

Jeremiah 9:24 24 But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken! (NLT)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

You Are Definitely Worth It

Ahhh...I'm sorry. I apologize for the insane delay in this second half of my last blog post. Whoops. Here I go. Like I said before, writing this blog has been pretty difficult. How can I write on something I still struggle with on an almost daily basis? But God has provided me with huge steps in the right direction, and I want to share those with you.

Every person has different hurts, different scars, different past experiences that shape who they are.  But too often they all equal the same thing: pain. The pains can be very different. I don't know what it's like to experience my parents go through a divorce, but I do understand abandonment of a different kind. The thing is, pain is pain. Whether its your head, your back, your ankle, your stomach. It all hurts.

1.) First......you've got to recognize that pain is there. You can't diagnose what's broken if you won't admit that you feel something is wrong in the first place.  Understand that you hurt and that it's okay to hurt.  Quit hating yourself for hating yourself.  Jeremiah, David, Jesus. They all cried out in pain and were not ashamed to do so. (Read Psalms, Jeremiah, and Lamentations if you want to see how some of these men dealt with their emotional pain) 
Lamentations 3:55-57 55 But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. 56 You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help!” 57 Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.” (NLT) 

2.) Second...you have to want healing. "Wait. Why wouldn't I want to feel better?" Sometimes we enjoy wallowing in our pain without even knowing it. Trust me, I do.  We bask in self-pity; we tell ourselves life's not fair, it will never get better, we will always be broken.  The path to healing isn't easy, you have to want it. Not wanting just happiness or satisfaction in ourselves, wanting true healing and satisfaction in Christ. 
Hosea 7:14 14 They do not cry out to me with sincere hearts. Instead, they sit on their couches and wail. They cut themselves[or they gather together], begging foreign gods for grain and new wine, and they turn away from me. (NLT)

3.) Third...get close to Jesus.  Learn who He Is. Learn the way He sees you. Learn His amazing grace, so that even with our faults, even when we can't accept ourselves, He still longs to hold us.  Ask Him to change the way you see yourself and others.  Get into the Word. Get into daily conversations (prayer!).  He wants you!!! Try wanting Him too. 
Jeremiah 29:12-14 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” (NLT)

4.) Fourth...be patient and be willing to work.  Learning to love yourself is not easy and I have never seen an instant fix-it. (Though God can do whatever He wants!) Often Jesus lets us grow the hard, long way so that we can learn and help others through the same things.  I would not take any part of my life back (even though some of it I would never wish on anyone) because it has shaped me to the woman of God I am now.
 Philippians 1:6 6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (NLT)

I'm not Jesus, not a counselor, not even a certified pastor (yet.) but this is what I've learned in my short 19 years on this earth**. I've still got a long ways to go in learning to love myself completely, but I've never been so satisfied with my body, my face, my abilities, my talents, myself. I pray every day that you to can love yourself the way Christ loves you.

I've still got so stinking much to write on this subject!! But I'll save it for another day. :) 


2 Corinthians 4:8-10 
8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. (NLT)



***If your struggling with self-hate that causes you to want to quit life, hurt yourself, or hurt others, please PLEASE talk to a pastor, a counselor, a trusted someone of wisdom. Those thoughts are not normal and you don't have to fight them alone. You can always e-mail me jandruk@comcast.net. I know many amazing people who would love to talk to you, and I know I personally would love to talk to you too. We'll set up a coffee date (if you're close) or online chat or phone call!!! ***