Bottled Emotions

So I had the honor to lead worship at AMPED and LYC (Living Word's middle and high school youth groups) this last Sunday.  Let me tell you, those crazies have energy like no other and I love it!! They make leading worship a breeze.  Which was good because I was held at work 2 hours longer than I had expected and was an hour late to practice. Whoops. But Phil, Sean, Jared and my Dad (sound man!) are amazing and things went awesome. Plus whenever God's in charge things go well. :)

But not only did I get the chance to play guitar and sing, Angel surprised me.  LYC was having a Panel night: several of the leaders sit on a couch up front and students text in questions. Just as they were about to begin Mr. Angel called me up and said I was on the panel. Haha. So that was a fun, last minute, go-with-the-flow evening.

One question that was sent to me via text we weren't able to get to on the panel, but I still feel it's an important issue to address.  So I'll discuss my answer and hopefully you'll get some insight."I'm not the type of person that talks about how I feel when I'm going through a hard time.  So basically I keep everything in side. What do I do?"

This question relates a lot to me.  Not being able to share how I truly feel had been a problem for me all growing up. This surprises a lot of people because everyone says I'm so real, so down to earth.  While yes, now I am and in general I was; letting people know I struggled or hurt was one thing I did not do.  I always put on a smile and faked my way through school, church, even at home with my family.  I struggled with deep depression from as far back as I can remember until just last year.  Not just, "Oh I'm sad..." but "Life sucks and I'm not going to try anymore".  Rough stuff.

The crazy thing was...is!...no one ever knew! Not even my own family.  I was so great at putting up that mask.  It wasn't until just a couple months after I turned 18 that I really began to deal with my crap.  And that's when I began to find healing.  Sharing what I was feeling was a huge factor in that!!!


Bottling emotions inside is never a healthy thing.  Denying that you have feelings of rage, anger, hurt,frustrations, joys betrayal, abandonment, fear, sadness, whatever it might be will create lasting problems in the long run.  Whether you admit to them, they're still there and they'll still affect you, your relationships, and your life.  Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, mentor, pastor, and/or God allows you to admit those feelings are real. And that you do have them (and it's okay to have them!).  

1 Peter 5:6-7  v. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  
Check out Psalm 77

For me, being real with my feelings started with journaling. I penciled all my feelings, into my journal in prayer form to Jesus.  Then I started talking to my best friends (some of those included my mentors).  There were only a couple people I was real with and they fully supported me.  While they accepted that I had certain feelings and emotions they did not always agree with them.  If I was angry at myself, they would remind me of God's grace.  If I was hating myself, they would tell me they loved me and more importantly that God loves me.  Finally now, I've been able to be real with everyone.

That doesn't mean I go into my life story, examine every emotion in detail, and ask for advice from everyone I run into.  It means when someone asks me how I'm doing and I'm feeling sad, I'll tell them, "Today's not the best."  I don't have to go into detail; when they ask what's wrong I hardly ever say what the root problem is.  I do go in depth with my pastors, my best friends, and my family.

Going through hard times is so much easier when you have a shoulder to lean on.  Especially if that shoulder is grounded in Christ.  Or that shoulder belongs to Christ.  He's the One who will get you through hard times.  He'll provide you with healing and the strength to make it one more day.  Call on Him and He will answer.

Lamentations 3:55-57  ⁵⁵ But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. ⁵⁶ You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading!  Hear my cry for help! ⁵⁷ Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.”