Complacency

I love running!  I used to hate it.

I started playing soccer young, by the time I was a freshman in high school I was on a select team, spending countless hours a week practicing my skills.  I was determined to become good enough to make a college team. As I played more and more, I was getting better. I wasn't the best, but my determination made me a force to be reckoned with.  Then my sophomore year happened; I rolled my ankle in a small hole and ripped several ligaments. And that was the end.

Why am I telling you this? Well, to provide a little background on why I love running. My recovery took 5 years before I could even run again.  5 years of pain, physical therapy, chiropractors, countless doctors, and complete frustration.  It took a year on the elliptical machine and then 6 months of run/walking.  Finally, September 26th, 2010 I ran a half marathon! 13.1 miles.


Unfortunately, lately I've been very complacent in my running.  Always putting it off "until tomorrow."  It's hard work.  The first month and a half are killer!! No fun. Running is kinda like my walk with God.  Well a lot like it.

My faith is complacent. I go strong for months and months! I conquer something difficult that has taken me months to years to deal with.  Then I slowly quit trying.  It's not that I don't want to be passionate...I just kinda forget.  I get complacent. I assume I'm doing well, why should I fight so hard to find intimacy with God?  Why run when I can walk?

Paul warns us of this complacency in his letter to the Corinthians:

^{1 Corinthians 13 :5 5} Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith. (NLT)

Jesus, Himself, reveals that complacency is an attitude He cannot stand!

Revelation 3:15-16 ¹⁵ “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! ¹⁶ But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!" v. 19 "I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference."(NLT)

So now that I've examined myself and see this complacent faith-this faith Christ cannot stand within me-what do I do?

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ²⁴ Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! ²⁵ All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. ²⁶ So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. ²⁷ I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified. (NLT)

Run hard.  It's not easy. Trust me, I'm struggling right now.  But I want to run to win! God is so full of grace, and it is His grace that lets me get back up.  Search God's heart and know Him.  Desire Him.  Pray and fight for a passionate faith.

2 Corinthians 1: 21-22  "²¹ It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ. He has commissioned us, ²²and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us." (NLT)

Seven

This one hit home for me. So it might be a little rough, but it definitely spoke to me and was needed. If you're to read any of my 30 Day Challenge entries I'd check out this one. 

P.s. Still loving hearing about your devos! God's rocking some of you and I love seeing it. Keep it up! So proud of you.

Day 7

Isaiah 52:1-2 ¹ Wake up, wake up, O Zion! Clothe yourself with strength. Put on your beautiful clothes, O holy city of Jerusalem, for unclean and godless people will enter your gates no longer. ² Rise from the dust, O Jerusalem. Sit in a place of honor. Remove the chains of slavery from your neck, O captive daughter of Zion. (NLT)

I mess up all the time.  I fail. It frustrates me! I give into sin like I give in to the desire to eat chocolate chip cookies.  I flirt with temptation.  I enter the kitchen where I know the smell will haunt me.  I look at the cookies and don't stop myself when I know I'm beginning to give in.  I then pick up that cookie jar, telling myself that I can resist, but knowing full well that I'll give in eventually.  Finally I take that cookie...my sin...and I indulge.  To the point where I feel like I'm going to throw up. Sometimes physically sick.

And yet...every time I mess up God's there to pick me back up.  It's ridiculous to me! My finite mind can't wrap  around the fact that my Father sees me as clean.  Does that give me permission to sin? No.  But it does give me permission to accept grace and the Cross. I can take Christ's sacrifice and "Remove the chains of slavery from your [my] neck..." and continue in His grace for His purpose.

So Church.  Put on your beautiful clothes.  Clothe yourself with strength.  Forget your shame.  Remove your chains.  Sit in a place of honor where Christ has put you.  You are forgiven.  You are holy through the Cross.  

Challenging Clay

It's been almost a month since my last blog post. Summer school!!!!!!! ....ugh.  Cramming 12 weeks of work into 6 weeks means lots of homework all the time. Good news though, only 2 weeks left!!!! I'm ready to be done.

Sometimes...a lot of times...as you have read in my other posts, I don't understand why God has placed me where I'm at.  I want to be doing organized ministry! Pastoring. But here I am at a very secular and liberal university finishing my degree in Communications. Not theology.  But in my process of following God's will and not my own I've learned so much! I've learned obedience.
When's the last time you questioned God?  "Why am I here?" "Why am I like this?"  "Why did he have to leave me?" "Where am I supposed to go?" "This isn't fair! This isn't right."  Here's a thought for you:

What sorrow waits those who argue with Creator.  Does a clay pot argue with its maker?  Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, "Stop, you're doing it wrong!" Does the pot exclaim, "How clumsy can you be?" How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, "Why was I born?" or if it said to its mother, "Why did you make me this way?"

Do you argue with God about the way you were created? Do you challenge Him saying that He has directed your life in the wrong direction? Do you believe that He knows best for you?

"This is what the Lord says - the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: "Do you question what I do for my children?  Do you give me orders about the work of my hands?  I am the one who made the earth and created people to live on it.  With my hands I stretched out the heavens.  All the stars are at my command."
Instead of arguing with God about where you're at, ask Him what you're supposed to be learning, what you're supposed to be doing.  In Isaiah 45 God reminds us that we don't need to question Him.  

I know that I've been struggling with questioning His will over the past year.  But through His grace I've come to realize who am I to question the Lord? He is my Creator, I can trust my entirety to His plan.  Rather than question, I will follow.  Rather than argue, I will obey. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 . ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

You Are Definitely Worth It

Ahhh...I'm sorry. I apologize for the insane delay in this second half of my last blog post. Whoops. Here I go. Like I said before, writing this blog has been pretty difficult. How can I write on something I still struggle with on an almost daily basis? But God has provided me with huge steps in the right direction, and I want to share those with you.

Every person has different hurts, different scars, different past experiences that shape who they are.  But too often they all equal the same thing: pain. The pains can be very different. I don't know what it's like to experience my parents go through a divorce, but I do understand abandonment of a different kind. The thing is, pain is pain. Whether its your head, your back, your ankle, your stomach. It all hurts.

1.) First......you've got to recognize that pain is there. You can't diagnose what's broken if you won't admit that you feel something is wrong in the first place.  Understand that you hurt and that it's okay to hurt.  Quit hating yourself for hating yourself.  Jeremiah, David, Jesus. They all cried out in pain and were not ashamed to do so. (Read Psalms, Jeremiah, and Lamentations if you want to see how some of these men dealt with their emotional pain) 
Lamentations 3:55-57 ⁵⁵ But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. ⁵⁶ You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help!” ⁵⁷ Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.” (NLT) 

2.) Second...you have to want healing. "Wait. Why wouldn't I want to feel better?" Sometimes we enjoy wallowing in our pain without even knowing it. Trust me, I do.  We bask in self-pity; we tell ourselves life's not fair, it will never get better, we will always be broken.  The path to healing isn't easy, you have to want it. Not wanting just happiness or satisfaction in ourselves, wanting true healing and satisfaction in Christ. 
Hosea 7:14 ¹⁴ They do not cry out to me with sincere hearts. Instead, they sit on their couches and wail. They cut themselves[or they gather together], begging foreign gods for grain and new wine, and they turn away from me. (NLT)

3.) Third...get close to Jesus.  Learn who He Is. Learn the way He sees you. Learn His amazing grace, so that even with our faults, even when we can't accept ourselves, He still longs to hold us.  Ask Him to change the way you see yourself and others.  Get into the Word. Get into daily conversations (prayer!).  He wants you!!! Try wanting Him too. 
Jeremiah 29:12-14 ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” (NLT)

4.) Fourth...be patient and be willing to work.  Learning to love yourself is not easy and I have never seen an instant fix-it. (Though God can do whatever He wants!) Often Jesus lets us grow the hard, long way so that we can learn and help others through the same things.  I would not take any part of my life back (even though some of it I would never wish on anyone) because it has shaped me to the woman of God I am now.
 Philippians 1:6 ⁶ And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (NLT)

I'm not Jesus, not a counselor, not even a certified pastor (yet.) but this is what I've learned in my short 19 years on this earth**. I've still got a long ways to go in learning to love myself completely, but I've never been so satisfied with my body, my face, my abilities, my talents, myself. I pray every day that you to can love yourself the way Christ loves you.

I've still got so stinking much to write on this subject!! But I'll save it for another day. :) 

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 ⁸ We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. ⁹ We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. ¹⁰ Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. (NLT)

***If your struggling with self-hate that causes you to want to quit life, hurt yourself, or hurt others, please PLEASE talk to a pastor, a counselor, a trusted someone of wisdom. Those thoughts are not normal and you don't have to fight them alone. You can always e-mail me jandruk@comcast.net. I know many amazing people who would love to talk to you, and I know I personally would love to talk to you too. We'll set up a coffee date (if you're close) or online chat or phone call!!! ***

My First Love

Motivation. Endurance. Fight. Keep running! Don't give up. Even Dory's "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming..." Doesn't anyone want to just give up sometimes?! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the world who wants to give up.

But in hearing my internal voice asking to give up, I questioned myself as to why I would think that. For me, it all boils down to that first word. Motivation.  What motivates me? Do I even have any motivation left? After hearing Pastor Ryan speak on living for Christ and what drives us to do so, I really had to re-examine my heart and find what my motivation to follow Jesus was.  Even my motivation to keep going on the path God has laid out for me. Honestly, I've never wanted to quit anything as badly as I've wanted to quit school. Quit Bellingham. Quit Washington. This quarter has sucked.  But tangent! Back to my heart question: what motivates me?

"Well to be a good Christian right?" "To know about Jesus more?" "To graduate so I can do what God has called me to do?" <------- These seem like reasonable reasons. I mean, aren't we called to be good Christians? Doesn't Jesus want us to know His Word, know what He did, know what He wants of us? Shouldn't making it through these next 459 days until graduation so I can go to Australia, where God has called me, be a good reason to keep persevering?

Maybe.

Actually not at all. Yes, they seem like very good reasons to keep just keep going; staying in this race even if I'm just walking.  But those things will never be able to motivate me to the point where I can keep walking. Knowing about God isn't going to sustain me (Before you turn off your computer, throw it across the room, and yell that Jessica is a heretic, please just keep reading! I'm making a point.). Yes it's important, but it's not the most important! Jesus calls us to remain in Him and His love, not "remain in knowledge about Me." (John 15).  Am I saying don't read the Bible? HECK NO! Devos are my favorite thing to do! And getting in the Word is essential to growth.  But! We have to be sure that our only motivation is to love and follow Him.

Let me give you another example from my life.  The past couple months, my motivations have been "to be a good Christian, to be the best worship leader I can be (And not in a prideful way. My heart really wants to worship God and bring people to His throne with me out of the way), and to get through college so I can be a pastor: God's calling on my life."  Can you see the problem with these statements? They all involve works, in doing something!

Ephesians 2:8-9 ⁸ God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ⁹ Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. (NLT)

Christianity isn't about works, contrary to popular beliefs and ideals. It's ALL about the relationship we have with God.  No matter what we do, good or bad, it will never affect the way He loves and wants us. He loved us before we even thought about loving Him back. 1 John 4:19.

Revelation 2:2-4 ²I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. ³You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. ⁴Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. (NIV)

I don't say that I've forsaken Jesus...but I have not made Him my first love. Oh He was up there all right, but He had competition. And that should not be so! I have been focusing on finishing school and being a good Christian so much that I forgot to focus solely on Him!!  This is why I haven't been motivated. My motivation came from something other than Jesus.

So what motivates you? Being the best Christian you can possibly be? Doing well in school? Pleasing family and friends? Pleasing pastors? Does the feeling of satisfaction (or the hope for that feeling) motivate you? Graduating school? Making it out of your hometown? Reaching that next level in faith? Pursuing your future? Perhaps that future that God has called you to.  None of these things can keep you running. The only thing that counts is to love and follow Jesus. Jesus!  Just love Him.  We always say that Jesus should be your #1, but in reality, He should be your only One.

Love and Follow Him and everything else will fall into place by His will. You'll be that mature Christian by default. You'll graduate because you're pursuing Him and that gives you the strength to keep going. You'll accomplish the goals and plans God has placed in your heart because all of the sudden the means to accomplish those goals will be provided by Him.  But  He has to be your Motivation. He has to be your First Love.


Hebrews 12:1-2 ¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. (NLT)