Four

Day 4

Woah woah woah. Posted this sooo late! My bad! I had work....and running...and napping.

Acts 9: 15-16 15But the Lord said, "Go, for Saul is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles and to kings, as well as to the people of Israel.  16 And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name's sake." (NLT)

While devos didn't "feel as deep" today, these couple verses really stuck out. Scared me actually, "And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name's sake." ...scary.  And yet in reading Paul's letters (Ephesians, the Corinthian letters, Romans!) Paul gladly takes the hardships and lets the Lord turn it into joy. Rather than being afraid of God's purpose for him, he embraced and let God work in amazing ways. Makes me love this passage incredibly more!!! :
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Each time he said, "My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  10 That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." (NLT)

My thoughts are jumbled. God's way sweet.  Paul is the man.  Hope it makes some sense. :) But! Loving all the responses hearing people's devos!!!! Keep it up! 4 days down, 26 to go!

Challenging Clay

It's been almost a month since my last blog post. Summer school!!!!!!! ....ugh.  Cramming 12 weeks of work into 6 weeks means lots of homework all the time. Good news though, only 2 weeks left!!!! I'm ready to be done.

Sometimes...a lot of times...as you have read in my other posts, I don't understand why God has placed me where I'm at.  I want to be doing organized ministry! Pastoring. But here I am at a very secular and liberal university finishing my degree in Communications. Not theology.  But in my process of following God's will and not my own I've learned so much! I've learned obedience.
When's the last time you questioned God?  "Why am I here?" "Why am I like this?"  "Why did he have to leave me?" "Where am I supposed to go?" "This isn't fair! This isn't right."  Here's a thought for you:

What sorrow waits those who argue with Creator.  Does a clay pot argue with its maker?  Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, "Stop, you're doing it wrong!" Does the pot exclaim, "How clumsy can you be?" How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, "Why was I born?" or if it said to its mother, "Why did you make me this way?"

Do you argue with God about the way you were created? Do you challenge Him saying that He has directed your life in the wrong direction? Do you believe that He knows best for you?

"This is what the Lord says - the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: "Do you question what I do for my children?  Do you give me orders about the work of my hands?  I am the one who made the earth and created people to live on it.  With my hands I stretched out the heavens.  All the stars are at my command."
Instead of arguing with God about where you're at, ask Him what you're supposed to be learning, what you're supposed to be doing.  In Isaiah 45 God reminds us that we don't need to question Him.  

I know that I've been struggling with questioning His will over the past year.  But through His grace I've come to realize who am I to question the Lord? He is my Creator, I can trust my entirety to His plan.  Rather than question, I will follow.  Rather than argue, I will obey. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 . ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Evilomics isn't all evil?!! Maybe...

Although I'm on Spring break and school should not even be in my thoughts, microeconomics is again coming into play in my blog... Sheesh, it was such a painful class that taught me more than I would ever like to admit.

In probably one of the only chapters I understood, our class discussed why a firm would take on short-term losses for the sake of long-term gains.  In other words, a company would be willing to sell a product at a price that created losses in order to keep customers in the long run and hopefully get to a point where they would be gaining again.  Let me provide you with a nifty little graph to help demonstrate.

A company would be willing to charge $495 or even $250 (depending on the demand of consumers) even though they need to charge more in order to not have losses.

Red area is their loss.

If you don't understand... don't worry. I still don't really understand... What I want you to get is that sometimes companies are willing to take losses (being in the red) so that in the long run they will eventually gain (getting the green).

Life can be like a business.  Our goals are to stay afloat; to not have so many losses that we go under, and to receive gain; to enjoy life to the fullest.  Like a business, life has costs and benefits.  And like a business, sometimes it takes periods of costs and loss before we can enter periods of gains and benefits: taking short-term loss to receive long-term gains.

Example: Playdoh is only one of the greatest things on this planet. If you only play with your Playdoh for 15 minutes at a time rather than 1 hour your Playdoh will last longer: 1 hour of play time would most assuredly dry out the dough.  While 15 minutes is never enough time, you need to sustain that short-term loss of play time to ensure the long-term lifetime of your Playdoh.
 In reverse, sometimes short-term gains can result in long-term losses.  Say you really REALLY love cookies. In the short-term, if you eat a dozen cookies it's going to be awesome! But in the long-term you'll gain 5 pounds and you'll be less healthy. The extra weight could eventually lead to heart disease, hypertension, and then you die.

Life takes sacrifice.  Living for Jesus takes many instances of short-term loss to receive the long-term gain.  Our short time on earth is to be lived in full surrender to Christ 
Mark 8:34-35  ³⁴Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. ³⁵For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. (NIV)

So what are you willing to give up in the short-term so you may gain in the long-term? Sports? Maybe get involved in leadership and serving at your church.  Time? Perhaps spending your weekends getting in the Word rather than partying.  Relationships? Pursuing Christ rather than a boy or girl.
You have to give up in order to receive. (Check out this blog for more on surrender.)

So although microeconomics was one of the yuckiest classes on the face of the planet, God used it to speak to me. If He can use evilomics He will use you! (Tangent.) 
Anyways, that was all I had to say. Thank you all for reading my blog!! I really REALLY appreciate that you all do. Especially since they seem to be getting longer. Sorry. LOVE YOU!!!

Colossians 3:1-4  ¹ Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. ² Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. ³ For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (NLT)

The Final Rose...?

I have a confession to make...

....I secretly love watching The Bachelor.  Horrible! I know...but for some reason I cannot tear myself away that 1-2 hour allotment of time Monday evenings.  I understand that the drama is amped up.  I get that they edit the show like no other.  I see that almost everyone in the show never finds a lasting relationship. I know it's a whole lot of fake.  Yet I still love watching it! So embarrassing...

Why would I share this secret indulgence with you? Because I think it's important to understand why so many ladies like myself love watching this show--15.5 million average viewers this last season.  Now do I really want to see women's hearts destroyed, all hope for love devastated within a single moment of not receiving a rose? Not really. Do I want to see Mr. Bachelor making out with 20 different women just because he can and they're willing. Not at all.  (Sheesh, why do I even watch this show?!) What I do want to see, what my little girly heart wants to see, is a woman finally falling for the guy of her dreams.  And he falling for her.  I want to see that fairy tale ending.  Why would I want to see that? Because I want a fairy tale ending myself.

We all want to be loved.  We all want acceptance.  And almost all of us want to find romance.  We want that special someone who makes our hearts light up and gives us butterflies.  We want to "fall in love".  

One of my mentors, and pastor, told me, "If you can fall in love, you can fall out of love".  And this is all so true in The Bachelor world. I think out of 19 couples, only 2 are married.  So what is love? Obviously from my secret reality show, it's not just a feeling, or lust, or even getting that final rose and proposal at the end.

So what does love look like if it's not hearts and roses?  I have been reading John's letters to the church, and he talks a lot about love and what it should look like.  This morning in my devos I came upon this passage and I'd like to share my SOAP. (minus the P...you can make up your own prayer.) ;)

S-- 1 John 4: 9-10 ⁹ God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. ¹⁰ This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. (NLT)

O--Love isn't a feeling. It's a choice.  It isn't saying "I love you".  It's proving it through your actions.  It's not loving someone because they love you back. It's loving them even when they're unlovable.  Christ loved us by sacrificing Himself. By giving up His life.

A--I love by giving up my own desires and wants. I love God by giving up all of me to Him.  I love my brothers and sisters by sacrificing my own desires and doing what's best for them.

Many of you already know what love is, but applying it is so much more difficult than knowing it. I don't want to give up my time, my plans, my ambitions for another. And yet that is exactly what God calls of us.

John 15:12-13 ¹² This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. ¹³ There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (NLT)

"Lay down one's life for one's friends" Not such an easy thing.  Maybe God's calling you to lay down your life for a friend.  Perhaps not literally, but He's asking you to give up a relationship.  He's asking you to be friends with someone who isn't lovable.  To sacrifice your time. To give your shoulder.  To tell them "no".

True love isn't a romantic feeling for someone (Though trust me, I cannot wait to fall in love with my husband), because those will fade.  Love is being sacrificial. Love is choosing the highest good for the other person. Even if it's not what they or you want. 

1 John 3:18 ¹⁸ Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. (NLT)

Closed Fist

I have you ever gotten your hand caught in the cookie jar?

I mean literally. I guess the cookie jar wouldn't work...but for me, I got my hand caught in the candy jar.  You know what jar I'm talking about.  The one where the hole is just big enough to get your hand in, but not big enough so that once you grab a fist full of delicious Tootsie Rolls you can't get your hand out. So infuriating!! Then you realize the only way you can get candy out is to grab one piece of candy at a time...and by then end of the process it's no longer worth it.  You're angry that you've only gotten two pieces out, your hand hurts from trying to force it through the small opening, and your mouth has yet to taste sweet success because you're so busy getting the little pieces of candy out you forget your main goal in the first place!!

It seems like life simulates this scenario all too often.

We want something, but no matter how hard we hold on to it, how hard we pull out, we can't have it. Our hands are literally stuck.  Next thing we know, is we're miserable.  We've got this jar attached to our hand inhibiting us from doing daily activities.  Eating, shaking new acquaintances' hands, opening doors; all become a challenge.

Just like eating with a jar attached to our hand is next to impossible (Assume that both hands are in jars. We're a greedy culture.), so can nourishing our spiritual and emotional health.  When you hold on to a relationship, a dream, a plan that God has called you to let go, you'll only inhibit your life. Holding onto what you cannot have begins to harden your heart.  You become angry and hopeless because something that you want so desperately is in your hands, yet you are still unable to attain because your hand is stuck in a jar.  You begin to question God because you feel like you have a right (Is it not in your hand? Do you not have your fist wrapped tightly around it?).  Soon spiritual and emotional growth stop; you're so focused on what's "rightfully" yours and you wait for God to fully give it to you, and when He doesn't, you assume that you're doing something wrong.  Growth stops because you refuse to let it happen.
(Luke 9:23-25)

Keeping our fist in the jar also keeps us from meeting new people. Especially when we hold onto relationships. You can't shake someone's hand when yours is surrounded by glass. I know this from experience.  You hold onto a relationship, you hope that God will heal it the easy way, that things will go "back to normal", so you don't let go.  Meanwhile, all these amazing, new people are asking to shake your hand, but you won't get rid of that jar.  Perhaps the only way things can go "back to normal" is to let the one you love and care about to move on.
(Matthew 16:24-27)

Finally, having that jar on our hand inhibits us from opening doors.  We're so wrapped up in our predetermined plans that if God provides new opportunities we refuse to jump on them because we want what we almost have, but not quite.  Perhaps God is asking that you to join a small group, join a ministry, enter leadership, take a risk.  You have to let go of what you want in order to do His will.
(Proverbs 3:3-6)

Paul reminds us not to keep our fist in the jar.
Hebrews 3:12, 14-15 ¹² Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. ¹⁴ For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. ¹⁵ Remember what it says: “Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled.” (NLT)

Instead we are to surrender everything to Him.
Romans 12:1  ¹ And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. (NLT)
(If you want to read more on my thoughts about surrendering, check out this blog entry!)

And in the end, we all know that letting go of our fist full of candy is worth it.  It obviously makes sense that if we just let go, we can get our hands out, feed ourselves, meet new people, and open new doors. And yet why are we still so stubborn to hold onto what's keeping us stuck?  Perhaps we're afraid.  Afraid that if we let go we'll lose it forever.  And there's a good chance that's true. But is losing it not worth the gain we'll get from following God's perfect plan?


Yeah, maybe we won't get those Tootsie Rolls.  But we will get what God has intended for us! Which is infinitely better.  It's like comparing Tootsie Rolls to Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream, which everyone knows there's nothing better than a hot slice of homemade apple pie with a scoop of cold vanilla ice cream!!!

Goodbye Tootsie Rolls. Hello Apple Pie Ala Mode!!!

1 Peter 1:6-7 ⁶ So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. ⁷ These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. (NLT)

Mountain + Snow + Jesus = Humble Pie

This past Valentine's weekend I was blessed with the most awesome opportunity to lead worship at the high school winter retreat Snowed In.  It was incredible!!! God really moved! Not only in the hearts of the students, but in the hearts of the leaders, and in my heart.
(Picture above: Blayne (speaker), Myself, and David.)


As a worship leader you get a ton of spotlight. A TON.  Lead worship once and all of a sudden everyone knows who you are, knows you can play an instrument, knows you can sing, and for whatever reason, thinks your cool (which is a first for me, and I personally don't mind.).  But it brings me to the concept of humbleness, and how, as a leader in the spotlight, I should live it out.

Being humbled is often equated with being humiliated: getting embarrassed.  Which is true in many situations! But being humble and being humiliated are two different things!  Though, like I said, sometimes they do converge into the same instance.  Take for example one the most humbling, and humiliating, experiences I've ever had.  I had nailed leading worship for the first time by myself at the high school youth group: the Spirit moved, lives were changed, and I thought I was awesome.  The next week at Jr. High youth group I planned on doing the same thing.  I had the "I've got this all by myself" attitude.  Boy was I in for a huge awakening.  Practice that Tuesday went horrible! I couldn't focus, my band wasn't with me, I became frustrated, and then I quit.  Just like that.

That's when I got it.

Worship isn't about me as the leader.  Isn't about the band playing.  It's not even about the music. It's about Jesus, and ONLY Jesus.  This is the most important concept about worship leading!! For all you musicians, worship leaders, young and old alike, if you get anything get this: Worship is ALL about the G-Man, and absolutely nothing to do with yourself.  If you're not worshiping Jesus on that stage then don't be on the stage at all.  (But I'm diverging onto a tangent! This blog is supposed to be about humbleness!)
This last weekend at Snowed In, God showed me I don't need to be embarrassed to be humbled.  Thank You God!  As I was on that stage, worshiping my heart out and watching 100+ students and leaders worshiping their hearts too, I found myself incredibly humbled and amazed.  My Mighty God was using me!  A broken and imperfect being.

That's when I realized it seems that God uses me the most when I am broken, vulnerable, surrendered, and humbled before Him.  The whole week before Snowed In and every time I picked up my guitar I prayed that God would keep me humble and that everything was His. Every part of me, every fear, every hope, everything! How did I know that this is what would work, that God would use me even more? Because this is what Jesus did: He humbled Himself.

Phillipians 2:5-8  ⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:  ⁶Who, being in very nature God, not consider equality with God something to be grasped, ⁷but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. ⁸And being found in appearance as a man,  he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! (NIV)

In this case, Jesus was not being embarrassed (though dying on the cross during the Roman era was incredibly shameful, this is not the point I am trying to make).  Christ "made himself nothing"!! God didn't embarrass Him with a horrible performance.  Jesus was humble because He gave up everything! Made Himself nothing.  And this wasn't exactly what Jesus wanted...making yourself nothing and surrendering completely is painful and difficult.

Matthew 26:39  ³⁹ He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (NLT)
He prayed this prayer three times!! 
Matthew 26:44 ⁴⁴ So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again. (NLT)

But He did it, and the entire humanity was saved because of Him.  So are you willing to be humbled? To give up everything?

I know this is something I struggle with daily.  But God has called me to be humble. To surrender my hopes and dreams.  My wants and needs.  My fears and failures. To come broken to Him and give up everything.

There are some relationships I'm desperately trying to hold onto. God has called me to let go.  There are pride issues involving my performance in school. God has called me to let go.  There are desires for what I want to be doing right now.  God has called me to let go.  I have been called to make myself nothing and to humble myself.  And I want to!  But this road isn't going to be easy...it hurts a lot.  It's not fun.  But I'll have to continue to trust my Jesus and know His will is best.  I want His will to be done, not mine. 


Romans 12:1 ¹ And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.