I'm getting so bad at this consistent blogging thing...maybe it's because last week was my H. E. Double Hockey Sticks week!!! Crazy. I relearned why I don't procrastinate all three of my major papers 'til end of the quarter, days before they're due....never again!
Alas...last week got even better when I failed my motorcycle endorsement course. Whoops. I failed because I wiped out on the last day. Okay, okay "wiped out" may be too strong of words. But basically I took a turn too tight and too fast, the back wheel spun out, and the bike fell on its side...and on my leg. I'm fine!!! Just got some nice road rash, couple of bruises, pulled a muscle or two, and might have shattered my pride.
So how do I deal with failure? Not very well. I don't like to lose. Don't like to fail. Don't like being told no (It's funny how low self-esteem and pride go hand-in-hand). It's frustrating when you have plans and they don't work out exactly as planned. Like planning on driving a motorcycle but then failing to earn the license. Sad day! Or perhaps planning on attending Biola University in LA. Or maybe going to Australia to Hillsong College. Or recording a demo, putting it on the internet, getting thousands of fans, and scoring a record label. Funny how life doesn't happen the way we mapped it out when we sat down at our kitchen table 5 weeks ago. 5 months ago. Maybe 5 years ago.
In the book of James we're directed to not boast about what we're going to do tomorrow or where we're going to go. James 4:13-16 13 Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” 14How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 15 What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” 16 Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil. (NLT)
Plans often don't work out the way we intend them. Instead God opens and closes doors to match His will for your life. I go to Western Washington University, and trust me, it wasn't my first choice. But I love the campus up here! God's teaching me amazing things! And I'm meeting people who are pushing me in my musical abilities. It's incredible. God completely shut my plans to attend a Christian University. Did He stop my desire to be a pastor? Did He shut down my desire to pursue music? No way!! I know God's called me to pastor His people and to d0 what I love, music. I'm just taking a different route then might be typically be expected. Jeremiah 17:7-8 7 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. (NLT) No matter where I go I know God's going to bless me as long as I remain in His will. As long as my roots are deep in His waters no matter what is thrown at me I'll make it through. Failing a driving course, failing to write a song every week, failing to score a label, failing in a relationship, failing to do everything exactly as I have planned isn't going to make me fade away. My roots are in Christ. My hope and confidence is in His will for my life. When droughts hit me, I'll stay strong.
So I know I've been talking about my future plans a lot...I'm a college student, it's what we do. But I need to more readily realize that I don't need to focus completely on the future and what I'm going to do or what I want to do. He'll open and close doors. So hopefully my blog posts will stop being about knowing or not knowing my future and start being about what I'm going through right now.
But yes.
Thanks for reading my ridiculous and crazy thoughts! I so appreciate all the love you show. Knowing you read my blog makes me feel fuzzy and warm inside. :)
Jeremiah 9:24 24 But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken! (NLT)
If you haven't noticed...I haven't been very prolific in my writing of blogs. Life is crazy! School, work, school, music, did I mention school? All of my brain power has been focused on school...and to be honest, my song writing. Which is awesome!
April 24th, Saturday night, I had my first "mini-concert". Let me say, it was amazing! Everyone who came blessed me and Jared so much! Asking for a CD, where to download, when my next concert was. Sooo cool. But with all this awesomeness, I'm left with the question: what direction do I take? But isn't that always the question?
School. I've got to finish school. Australia. I SO want to go to Australia. Music! I want to do music for the rest of my life (God willing, please!!!). Pastor. God's called me, but timeline, I'm not so sure what that is. Love people. Easy! Doing that all the time (hopefully that shows).
So where do I go?
Ahhh! Is it so bad that I don't really know? At least in the long run. 409 days until graduation. That's the first step for sure. Education is so important! Teaches you skills that you will use for the rest of your life: discipline, critical thinking, commitment, time management, etc. (Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 22:6) But that's just over a year away. What then?! Originally I wanted to go to Australia...but what if my music shoots off...or what if it doesn't...do I still leave the States? What about pastoring? I know I've been called to do that. I have opportunity to pastor right after I graduate. Literally. WHAT DO I DO?!!!?!?!?!?
What do I do when I ask Jesus that question and He doesn't seem to answer? That's what it feels like right now. Perhaps I'm not really listening, that's a very huge possibility...I really REALLY want to be a successful artist...at least semi-successful. :) But what if you literally don't get an answer (right away, I've found He ALWAYS answers, just not very often in my timing).
You wait. Awesome.
BUT! In your waiting for a direct answer be sure that you also keep walking. Standing still gets you no where. Literally. Pursue something, anything!! Pursue what you want! If He doesn't want you going that direction He'll let you know quick. Doors will shut, plans will fall through, money won't be there. If He does! You'll find yourself plunking along.
Psalms 37:4-5 4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.5 Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. (NLT)
In conclusion (so school like), I still don't really know what I'm going to do. And that's okay. I'll finish school while pushing my music "career" and thinking about Australia. As long as my heart is aligned with His, things will naturally fall into place. I just hope that He'll let me do what I want! If not, I'll be just fine. God's good. :) Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (NLT)
I love motorcycles. It is one of my top 5 dreams to own and ride a motorcycle (1.Create and sell a successful CD. 2. Lead worship for thousands of people. 3. Go to Australia, 4. Own and ride a motorcycle. 5. Find the man of my dreams.). This last week Sir Anthony Snyder and I went to check out motorcycles. Let me say, it was incredible!! I'm so stoked to ride!!! I'm getting my endorsement next month and hopefully a bike sometime over the summer. AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! July 8th.
Some of you are thinking that I'm going crazy. Why would a perfectly sane (more or less), smart young woman want to throw herself on top of a machine that most people deem irresponsible and ludicrous? Why risk bodily harm going 120mph (okay, okay...I'm not going drive that fast...) on an open highway with only the helmet on her head and the leather on her back protecting her? Because I want more than mediocrity! I want excitement! I want adventure! Don't you?
Deep inside we all know that we were meant for something more. Switchfoot says it so nicely in their song Meant To Live. We long to live beyond where we're at: broken and failed. We want to be doing something worth mentioning; we want to be flying at 90mph watching the world pass us by and enjoying every minute of it.
Jesus wants the same thing for us. He wants us to be doing what we love!! (Read this blog post to hear more on my thoughts about that.) Jesus created us for a greater purpose than living in mediocrity. He has created us to live in Him: the furthest thing from mediocrity, brokenness, or failure!! While it might not seem like it, we have a life of freedom and adventure in Christ waiting for us to live out!
2 Corinthians 4:14-15 6 For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. 7We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
So go ahead! Jump on that bike, race down that highway. God's called you to live above and beyond this world. 1 Peter 2:11, 1 John 2:16-17 He's called you to greatness through Himself!
2 Peter 1:3-4 3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. 4 And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. (NLT)
Over the past month my music writing has increased dramatically. I normally spend an hour every day or every other day playing and writing. While most of what I produce isn't the greatest, some of the songs are pretty good. It's been insane, the way God has been pushing me to grow musically. He's placed some very specific, and sometimes very random, people in my life to encourage and challenge me.
Rewind to the summer of my freshman year: white water rafting trip with Megan Hall. I didn't know her very well, but for some reason I decided I would go on this crazy adventure with her. While I don't remember much of what happened, what I do remember was a conversation we had on the beach. We began sharing our dreams with each other. She felt called to be a missionary, to go to Africa. I remember her saying, "But I'm not sure that will really happen." I, on the other hand, wanted to produce music more than anything! Wanted to lead worship for thousands of people. But I remember saying, "It's just a dream, I doubt it could ever happen.". Fast forward six years to present day. Megan's in Uganda!!! And I'm slowly recording the music I've written! While she's not quite what most people would consider a full-grown "missionary", she's in Africa! She's building a love and passion for the Ugandan people (Check out her blog). She's taking the steps to be what God has called her to be. While I'm not exactly an artist who gets paid for her music, I'm recording and people are beginning to listen. Megan and I are stepping into our very own dreams! And it's so exciting.
God has placed hopes dreams in every one of our hearts. And He wants us to accomplish them!! Psalm 20:4-5
Psalm 37:4 4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. (NLT)
Fight for your dreams! Don't give up on them. People are going to shoot your dreams down. They're going to say, "No.", "You're not good enough.", "Give up.". Your deepest hopes are there because He has placed them. He has created each of us for a purpose and a calling.
But maybe you're saying, "I'm definitely not reaching my dreams. God's not giving them to me.". I ask you this question, is your heart beating to the rhythm of His heart? When we read Psalm 37:4 we often stop there, we don't read the next verse:
Psalm 37:5 5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.Trust him, and he will help you. (NLT)
Commit to His way. Your dreams will fall into place after that. If not, perhaps the dreams you have now are not the ones He has planned for you. Check your heart, search out His, He'll give you direction and a new dream better than anything else you could have imagined.
While I'm so excited in how my music "career" is starting, the moment I quit making Jesus my #1 I know things are going to fail. He's the one who's blessed me with my gifts, given me my songs, and put that dream in my heart in the first place.
**Click Here to Check Out My Music Website** Jeremiah 29:11-13 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
