Challenging Clay

It's been almost a month since my last blog post. Summer school!!!!!!! ....ugh.  Cramming 12 weeks of work into 6 weeks means lots of homework all the time. Good news though, only 2 weeks left!!!! I'm ready to be done.

Sometimes...a lot of times...as you have read in my other posts, I don't understand why God has placed me where I'm at.  I want to be doing organized ministry! Pastoring. But here I am at a very secular and liberal university finishing my degree in Communications. Not theology.  But in my process of following God's will and not my own I've learned so much! I've learned obedience.
When's the last time you questioned God?  "Why am I here?" "Why am I like this?"  "Why did he have to leave me?" "Where am I supposed to go?" "This isn't fair! This isn't right."  Here's a thought for you:

What sorrow waits those who argue with Creator.  Does a clay pot argue with its maker?  Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, "Stop, you're doing it wrong!" Does the pot exclaim, "How clumsy can you be?" How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, "Why was I born?" or if it said to its mother, "Why did you make me this way?"

Do you argue with God about the way you were created? Do you challenge Him saying that He has directed your life in the wrong direction? Do you believe that He knows best for you?

"This is what the Lord says - the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: "Do you question what I do for my children?  Do you give me orders about the work of my hands?  I am the one who made the earth and created people to live on it.  With my hands I stretched out the heavens.  All the stars are at my command."
Instead of arguing with God about where you're at, ask Him what you're supposed to be learning, what you're supposed to be doing.  In Isaiah 45 God reminds us that we don't need to question Him.  

I know that I've been struggling with questioning His will over the past year.  But through His grace I've come to realize who am I to question the Lord? He is my Creator, I can trust my entirety to His plan.  Rather than question, I will follow.  Rather than argue, I will obey. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 . ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Transparency 2.0

First 2-part blog ever! ...well for me. I feel like there were several things left unsaid in Transparency.

I need to clarify the how of living a transparent life.  Many Christians today take this concept of living transparent to a lawful extreme, which is everything Paul teaches against in his letters.  A little background before I continue, I'm taking New Testament/Early Christianity at my secular college, Western Washington University. And it is quite interesting I do have to say.  To study the Bible in a "pure academic" sense...well I tried...but having the Spirit of God in me makes it absolutely impossible. No matter what I read, God's grace and love shines through and out and around, and it's kinda funny (and completely awesome!) to hear my non-Christian professors preaching God's word. Love it!

What I've been learning in this class is what Paul's main message was, what my professor would call "his version of Christianity". Paul was all about faith and grace, and none about works and the law. In Galatians 3 Paul clearly states that righteousness does not come from fulfilling the law, but through faith.  'Righteousness' is the same Greek word for 'Justified'.  And 'Faith' in Greek also means 'trust' and 'belief'. Paul is saying we are justified through trusting God, having faith in Christ's resurrection. And in fact, Paul even says the law is no longer valid because of the Cross and Christ changing reality (which He indeed did change).

So while I've been talking about needing to live a life that is transparent, I want you to know that it is not because of the law that I'm choosing to live this way.  I'm choosing to live this way because I have the Spirit of God present in my life, and that alone begins to change my actions from the inside out. While we are not required to do anything by the law for salvation, it does not mean we should do anything and everything we want (especially what our flesh wants).

1 Corinthians 6:12-13 ¹² You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. ¹³ You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. (NLT)

There is a "delicate balance between Freedom in Christ and living how Paul wants us to live" so says my professor. And while that might seem like an obvious statement, if you love the Lord then it's going to be easy.  By transforming your heart to His, by letting Him mold you and shape you, you'll find yourself wanting to live by the Spirit. You have Christ in you! He's leading and guiding you, and as you grow closer to Him you'll find yourself wanting the same things He wants.

So while I'm called to a transparent life, I do not need to be lawful about it. If I mess up 

(which I will, trust me.) God's going to provide me grace. Like I said in my last post, Jesus already sees me as transparent. To Him I'm already crystal clear because His death paid for every blemish and impurity.  But because I'm already crystal clear to Him, I want to live a life that reflects His Spirit in me.

Galatians 3:24-29 ²⁴ Let me put it another way. The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith. ²⁵ And now that the way of faith has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian.  ²⁶ For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. ²⁷ And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes. ²⁸ There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. ²⁹ And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.

Winter Returns. And So Does Apathy.

Hey all of my blog viewers. (Which probably means just Phil.) ;)

It's been a long time coming....over a month since my last blog. Life's been busy. And crazy. I'm taking 16 credits this quarter and plan to take 17 credits every quarter until graduation in June 2011. Which really isn't that far away. I'm playing Ultimate Frisbee, which is a blast! But after a tournament yesterday, my legs and joints are feeling it. Nothing like a hot bubble bath to melt away soreness!

I did get dreads during Christmas break! But alas, my Asian hair and inability to stay committed to the dreads is showing as they fall out of their knots. Dreads are very high maintenance the first couple months...and honestly, I'm just too lazy. So we'll see how much longer they'll last, I doubt not much more than a week. So be on the lookout for a brand new hair style!



Now on to what God has been doing. He continues to stretch me way beyond my bounds in this season of life. My walk has been struggling. Not struggling in the way that I'm losing faith, but struggling with apathy and contentment. And contentment in not a good way. Rather than seeking God and searching His heart, I find myself content with my mediocre season in my walk. I find myself feeling "fine" and not digging deeper. Content with merely arriving to service minutes before it starts and leaving seconds after it's over. Content in reading devos, scribbling down my "SOAP", and then moving on to homework. Content in singing Christian songs but not entering into a place of worship. Content with my feelings of loneliness and instead of searching out relationship, wallowing in my own aloneness.

I find myself in a place of contentment....that is not at all fulfilling or pleasing.
So what now? How do I pull myself out of a place apathy? How do I renew my waning passion?

Honestly, I'm not exactly sure. Some possible solutions include as such:
Fellowship: Western is an amazing school, unfortunately it has been difficult to find good fellowship, to establish solid relationships that challenge me in my faith. I need to search out a small group and seek friendships with those who can help establish me in my faith and push me to grow.
Scripture: Yes, I do my daily devos. But often I find myself reading the "bare necessities" and then moving on to my academic readings. Do I really dive into the Word? Not at all.
Prayer: I find this one to be the most important. In my devos, of course I do the "P" to my SOAP journaling but how many times do I really call out to my God? Pray about those I love? Pray for my school, my church, my friends and family? Prayer is more than just putting aside 5 minutes a day to go down your list, it's spending time in your relationship with God.

The past couple of months have been extremely difficult for me. While I find great excitement in living on my own, moving away from home, and being my own person (and trust me, I do!!), transition is difficult. As winter comes, so does the repeating pattern of mild depression. Or maybe not so mild. But as much as I struggle, I know God has me and will never forsake me.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Hope.

Hope.

What is it?
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Hope: 1. to desire with expectation of obtainment. 2. to expect with confidence: Trust.

"Hope is the belief, more or less strong, that joy will come; desire is the wish it may come." - Sydney Smith (18th centuary writer/clergyman)

"Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords." - Samuel Johnson

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without words And never stops - at all." - Emily Dickinson

"Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier." - Anonymous

Do you have Hope?

Job 11:17-18 17Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. 18 You will be secure, because there is hope you will look about you and take your rest in safety.(NIV)

Psalm 9:18 But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish. (NIV)

Isaiah 40:30-31 30Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (NIV)

Jeremiah 29:11-12 11For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12In those days when you pray, I will listen

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (NIV)

Proverbs 23: 14 Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off (NIV)

Lamentations 3: 19-22 19I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. 20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: 22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. (NIV)

Psalms 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. (NIV)

Romans 5:5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (NKJV)

I have The Hope.

1 Peter 1:3-4 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you

Do you?

Beside You

Today I found myself thinking about the song Beside You by Marianas Trench . Then I started thinking about my blog post Alone? Or Loneliness? I thanked God that I had Him. That I was indeed not alone. But then I started thinking about those who do not understand The Father who loves them. They have no clue that they are loved in an incredible way. I started to consider that when they’re alone and people fail them, they do not have Jesus to lean on. Then I started wondering if I am a person who's willing to stand beside someone even if their world is falling apart.

Am I willing to hold someone who's falling apart? Do I attempt to comfort those who are hurt? Am I one who tries to comfort those who cannot be comforted? Do I cry with those who don’t have enough tears? Am I reaching out to a broken world?

And even more than just reaching out. Am I showing them a Jesus who can comfort and heal when all else fails?

Matthew 5:3-8

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

Beside You -- Marianas Trench
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is to just be still for a while

And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
Where the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud




Jesus has called us to reach out. To show His face and be His hands. To comfort others.
So if your heart wears thin I will hold you up and I will hide you when it gets too much.
I'll be right beside you.

Alone? Or Lonliness?

I have recently been savoring a book given to me by one of my best friends Liz called The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord.

“Could it be possible that being alone does not have to mean that you are lonely?”

I’ve read this book before. I’ve read countless lines like this before. But in the season of life I am in now, the timing of this sentence could never have been more perfect. “Could it be possible that being alone does not have to mean that you are lonely?” I know it is not just possible, I know it can be true.

Everything about this next leg of this race is new for me. After 19 years, I no longer live with my family, no longer live in Oak Harbor, no longer have a solid church family right at my doorsteps, and I am no longer in an easy, comfortable place. And though I have felt a much deeper loneliness before, I still feel alone at times. Transition has been more of a challenge than I had anticipated. I am very blessed and I have family and friends who support me no matter what, but yet, sometimes I still feel isolated. Perhaps it is because I do not see them on a daily or even weekly basis. Regardless, I have been struggling with feeling alone. It is not the “I don’t have enough social time” or “I need to hang out” lonliness, but something deeper. I have been realizing that over the past year or so I had been fighting my “loneliness” with being social. I was spending as much time as I could with people so I wouldn’t feel lonesome. But that wasn’t it. It was not until I was forced into many quiet alone times (ironically) that I have discovered what the issue was. I was searching for community, friendship, relationship in people before I was searching for it in God. I took times of aloneness as a sort of solitary confinement; something that I could not enjoy. But now I realize that alone time is a time for growth. To be drawn closer to God.

Hosea 2:14 “But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there,” (NLT)

Hosea 2:14 “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Will bring her into the wilderness, And speak comfort to her.” (NKJV)

Jesus is leading me to the desert, to the wilderness. It is here that He will draw me in, comfort me, and push me beyond what I perceive is possible. I’m being lead to aloneness, and I’m excited.

I am alone frequently. But I am no longer lonely.

"My love is over, it's underneath. It's inside, it's in between."

Have you ever questioned God, asked Him where He or His Love is? "Why did this have to happen?", "Why am I still hurting?", "Why am I suffering?", "Where are You when I need You most?".

I am most positive that at some point you have. I have. We all have. I doubt Him much more than I should. God's plan swings a certain way, it hurts, and I don't get it. Things happen that I don't want. Faith becomes a little bit harder; loving others becomes a battle. And yet through all my suffering and pain: through my confusion and uncertainty, I know God will remain faithful.

This morning's devos:

James 5:11 (NKJV)
Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord-that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.

If you've heard the story of Job, you'll know that he was a Godly man. (Check out the book of Job!) In fact, he was such a follower of the Lord that the devil asks that he hurt Job to prove the only reason he was faithful was because of his wealth, family, and blessings. The devil takes away everything: his riches, his children, even his health. But in the end, God blesses him with twice as much as he had before (Job 42:10).

A lot of times we see this as God planning out pain for Job. That "God hurt Job because He knew Job would stay faithful.". But that wasn't God's plan at all!! "Indeed we count the blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord,"!!! The ending was God's plan to begin with. But God, in His infinite wisdom (which I do not understand at all. And it's a good thing I don't have to.) allowed pain to happen. BUT it wasn't His intended plan.

I have to remind myself that God does have an intended plan for me. And although He allows painful things to happen, He never planned for them. I will continue to trust my Jesus and know that His Love is here.
Check out this song by Tenth Avenue North! So good!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw_8o85lFxA

Times by Tenth Avenue North (My favorite lyrics of the song below)

"Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting. The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache. I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends. It never ends."

Procrastination at its Finest.

No, not really.

But school is boring. I find myself having to write a rhetorical reading analysis on two articles addressing the issues of packaging of food and what is has done to our society…and I don’t want to. Although I find the reading very interesting and the assignment relatively easy, I seem to have been stricken with a nasty disorder: laziness.

So here I am, sitting at my desk, in my nice folding chair, listening to my playlist (that includes Paramore, Emery, The Classic Crime, and others that make up the back bone of my music), and writing about basically nothing. At least it’s better than being on Facebook (which is going under “routine maintenance”) refreshing my home page over and over, waiting for a status to comment on. As I was sitting here, contemplating on what to write on, a thought came up on how God uses our failures and mistakes. How God chooses to redeem us! And not just once, after we’ve said the “Jesus, come into my heart” prayer, but on a daily basis. And He doesn’t just redeem our mistakes, but others as well. When people hurt and fail us. When they abandon us. When they break our confidence (intentional or not). Our Father redeems that too! Though He does not plan pain for us (Jeremiah 29:11-13), He will use everything for the good (Ephesians 1:11). He’s taken my insecurities, wounds, disappointments and used them to reach out to others. Because of the experiences I’ve had, I am more able to relate and empathize with others. In essence, He takes our piles of ashes and turns them into crowns.

He does this for His own Glory. That we, broken vessels, can be used for good. Even though we’re not perfect, cracked in fact, He’s given himself to us!

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 7 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. NLT (emphasis added)





So in procrastinating my homework, I have stumbled upon a truth that comes up over and over in my life. And instead of indulging on these concepts by myself, I decided to share them with you.


Now….back to homework…