Fathersuarus Rex

I haven't blogged in forever....why? Mostly because I'm lazy. But also because finals combined with work and then finally getting a week off to catch up on all my sleep...well just didn't happen. Hope you didn't mind. :)

So I'm doing Summer quarter. Woot. I guess. Actually it starts Tuesday and will go for six weeks. Then I'll get my month off before finishing my last year!!! Crazy...only one year until graduation. Excited! So why am I not taking as much of break as normally planned this summer...well sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Life's a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes you just have to plow through that billion degree hill and not stop even when you feel like you legs are going to fall off.

People are almost always surprised when I say I'm doing summer quarter. Who in their right mind would continue taking classes when they could have a break?!! At least that's what I used to say. But!! Finishing school two years early sounds wonderful to me. :) Then Australia? I think so.

So where's the lesson in this blog post? I'm not sure...kinda rambling. Maybe sometimes taking the hard route now will pay off in the end. Heck yes class of 2011!!  But!!!! I do have a sweet picture to show you for this Father's Day:

FATHERSUARUS REX
It's a pasta painting. :)

This was more of an update blog. :) But I'll have some "deep" ones soon! I have several running through my head, but this week of break has my brain on relax mode and not brainstorm mode. So enjoy this cool picture instead and have a wonderful day!

I Love Jesus

Lacking inspiration on something to blog.  So....I going to branch off a Facebook status update of mine.  The essence of the update included making yummy food, watching The Bachelorette, and thinking that a boyfriend sounds good....

Oh silly Jess...think think think!!! I didn't mention that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, just the thought sounded nice. Of course a relationship sounds nice! Don't most of us want that? Someone to who understands and appreciates us? Someone who makes us feel special and fuzzy on the inside.  Someone who lets you be yourself and you feel safe enough to be yourself.  Ugh. Relationships. Ugh. Boys.

Relationships are complicated. I'm not good at them. I really don't have much of a history in relationships.  But that's okay. I don't mind. :)  I've had one relationship, and while I am definitely no expert, I have learned a lot from that experience, and combined with my leaders and pastors' instruction I hope to provide some insight.

So my advice on relationships...

Keep God #1!!!! Soooooo important.  The moment your significant other becomes more important than God things will fall apart.  God is the only one who can keep two imperfect people together.  If your focus isn't the Lord then you're not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Exodus 20:2-4  ² “I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. ³ “You must not have any other god but me. ⁴ “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. (NLT)
This includes making your boyfriend or girlfriend your idol; loving them more than you love God. It's easy to do, trust me.

When in doubt, snuff it out. If you're questioning whether your getting too physical, sharing too many emotions, wondering if your parents or leaders would approve, then stop!!!! In fact, don't even put yourself in compromising situations. Easier said then done. It's sooo easy to put yourself in a place where the chances giving into temptation are escalated. 2 Timothy 2:22 ²²Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (NLT)

If you're questioning, then you should probably stop and avoid. God's given you a conscience for a reason.

Have Accountability!! This is also vastly important!! Let people know you're in a relationship. Let your friends now how you're doing. Check in with your with leaders/pastors/parents.  Find people who have experience (this does not mean your friend who's dated 50 boys and she just entered her freshman year...of high school), let them give you advice and listen to them.
Luke 11:36  If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.” (NLT)
You should be transparent in every aspect of your life (Check out this blog!! It's sweet stuff.).

So yes....talking about relationships is awkward. Especially when you're single, but you want relationship, but you're not sure if you're ready, and you're very picky, and you have amazing lady friends who are even pickier, and you have a billion father figures who all want to shoot the boys who come to the front door AND you have a super protective Daddy who has shot most of the boys who have come to the front yard.

So what am I saying???
 I love Jesus. 

Bottled Emotions

So I had the honor to lead worship at AMPED and LYC (Living Word's middle and high school youth groups) this last Sunday.  Let me tell you, those crazies have energy like no other and I love it!! They make leading worship a breeze.  Which was good because I was held at work 2 hours longer than I had expected and was an hour late to practice. Whoops. But Phil, Sean, Jared and my Dad (sound man!) are amazing and things went awesome. Plus whenever God's in charge things go well. :)

But not only did I get the chance to play guitar and sing, Angel surprised me.  LYC was having a Panel night: several of the leaders sit on a couch up front and students text in questions. Just as they were about to begin Mr. Angel called me up and said I was on the panel. Haha. So that was a fun, last minute, go-with-the-flow evening.

One question that was sent to me via text we weren't able to get to on the panel, but I still feel it's an important issue to address.  So I'll discuss my answer and hopefully you'll get some insight."I'm not the type of person that talks about how I feel when I'm going through a hard time.  So basically I keep everything in side. What do I do?"

This question relates a lot to me.  Not being able to share how I truly feel had been a problem for me all growing up. This surprises a lot of people because everyone says I'm so real, so down to earth.  While yes, now I am and in general I was; letting people know I struggled or hurt was one thing I did not do.  I always put on a smile and faked my way through school, church, even at home with my family.  I struggled with deep depression from as far back as I can remember until just last year.  Not just, "Oh I'm sad..." but "Life sucks and I'm not going to try anymore".  Rough stuff.

The crazy thing was...is!...no one ever knew! Not even my own family.  I was so great at putting up that mask.  It wasn't until just a couple months after I turned 18 that I really began to deal with my crap.  And that's when I began to find healing.  Sharing what I was feeling was a huge factor in that!!!


Bottling emotions inside is never a healthy thing.  Denying that you have feelings of rage, anger, hurt,frustrations, joys betrayal, abandonment, fear, sadness, whatever it might be will create lasting problems in the long run.  Whether you admit to them, they're still there and they'll still affect you, your relationships, and your life.  Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, mentor, pastor, and/or God allows you to admit those feelings are real. And that you do have them (and it's okay to have them!).  

1 Peter 5:6-7  v. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  
Check out Psalm 77

For me, being real with my feelings started with journaling. I penciled all my feelings, into my journal in prayer form to Jesus.  Then I started talking to my best friends (some of those included my mentors).  There were only a couple people I was real with and they fully supported me.  While they accepted that I had certain feelings and emotions they did not always agree with them.  If I was angry at myself, they would remind me of God's grace.  If I was hating myself, they would tell me they loved me and more importantly that God loves me.  Finally now, I've been able to be real with everyone.

That doesn't mean I go into my life story, examine every emotion in detail, and ask for advice from everyone I run into.  It means when someone asks me how I'm doing and I'm feeling sad, I'll tell them, "Today's not the best."  I don't have to go into detail; when they ask what's wrong I hardly ever say what the root problem is.  I do go in depth with my pastors, my best friends, and my family.

Going through hard times is so much easier when you have a shoulder to lean on.  Especially if that shoulder is grounded in Christ.  Or that shoulder belongs to Christ.  He's the One who will get you through hard times.  He'll provide you with healing and the strength to make it one more day.  Call on Him and He will answer.

Lamentations 3:55-57  ⁵⁵ But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. ⁵⁶ You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading!  Hear my cry for help! ⁵⁷ Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.”