My First Love

Motivation. Endurance. Fight. Keep running! Don't give up. Even Dory's "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming..." Doesn't anyone want to just give up sometimes?! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the world who wants to give up.

But in hearing my internal voice asking to give up, I questioned myself as to why I would think that. For me, it all boils down to that first word. Motivation.  What motivates me? Do I even have any motivation left? After hearing Pastor Ryan speak on living for Christ and what drives us to do so, I really had to re-examine my heart and find what my motivation to follow Jesus was.  Even my motivation to keep going on the path God has laid out for me. Honestly, I've never wanted to quit anything as badly as I've wanted to quit school. Quit Bellingham. Quit Washington. This quarter has sucked.  But tangent! Back to my heart question: what motivates me?

"Well to be a good Christian right?" "To know about Jesus more?" "To graduate so I can do what God has called me to do?" <------- These seem like reasonable reasons. I mean, aren't we called to be good Christians? Doesn't Jesus want us to know His Word, know what He did, know what He wants of us? Shouldn't making it through these next 459 days until graduation so I can go to Australia, where God has called me, be a good reason to keep persevering?

Maybe.

Actually not at all. Yes, they seem like very good reasons to keep just keep going; staying in this race even if I'm just walking.  But those things will never be able to motivate me to the point where I can keep walking. Knowing about God isn't going to sustain me (Before you turn off your computer, throw it across the room, and yell that Jessica is a heretic, please just keep reading! I'm making a point.). Yes it's important, but it's not the most important! Jesus calls us to remain in Him and His love, not "remain in knowledge about Me." (John 15).  Am I saying don't read the Bible? HECK NO! Devos are my favorite thing to do! And getting in the Word is essential to growth.  But! We have to be sure that our only motivation is to love and follow Him.

Let me give you another example from my life.  The past couple months, my motivations have been "to be a good Christian, to be the best worship leader I can be (And not in a prideful way. My heart really wants to worship God and bring people to His throne with me out of the way), and to get through college so I can be a pastor: God's calling on my life."  Can you see the problem with these statements? They all involve works, in doing something!

Ephesians 2:8-9 ⁸ God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ⁹ Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. (NLT)

Christianity isn't about works, contrary to popular beliefs and ideals. It's ALL about the relationship we have with God.  No matter what we do, good or bad, it will never affect the way He loves and wants us. He loved us before we even thought about loving Him back. 1 John 4:19.

Revelation 2:2-4 ²I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. ³You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. ⁴Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. (NIV)

I don't say that I've forsaken Jesus...but I have not made Him my first love. Oh He was up there all right, but He had competition. And that should not be so! I have been focusing on finishing school and being a good Christian so much that I forgot to focus solely on Him!!  This is why I haven't been motivated. My motivation came from something other than Jesus.

So what motivates you? Being the best Christian you can possibly be? Doing well in school? Pleasing family and friends? Pleasing pastors? Does the feeling of satisfaction (or the hope for that feeling) motivate you? Graduating school? Making it out of your hometown? Reaching that next level in faith? Pursuing your future? Perhaps that future that God has called you to.  None of these things can keep you running. The only thing that counts is to love and follow Jesus. Jesus!  Just love Him.  We always say that Jesus should be your #1, but in reality, He should be your only One.

Love and Follow Him and everything else will fall into place by His will. You'll be that mature Christian by default. You'll graduate because you're pursuing Him and that gives you the strength to keep going. You'll accomplish the goals and plans God has placed in your heart because all of the sudden the means to accomplish those goals will be provided by Him.  But  He has to be your Motivation. He has to be your First Love.


Hebrews 12:1-2 ¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. (NLT)