Winter Returns. And So Does Apathy.

Hey all of my blog viewers. (Which probably means just Phil.) ;)

It's been a long time coming....over a month since my last blog. Life's been busy. And crazy. I'm taking 16 credits this quarter and plan to take 17 credits every quarter until graduation in June 2011. Which really isn't that far away. I'm playing Ultimate Frisbee, which is a blast! But after a tournament yesterday, my legs and joints are feeling it. Nothing like a hot bubble bath to melt away soreness!

I did get dreads during Christmas break! But alas, my Asian hair and inability to stay committed to the dreads is showing as they fall out of their knots. Dreads are very high maintenance the first couple months...and honestly, I'm just too lazy. So we'll see how much longer they'll last, I doubt not much more than a week. So be on the lookout for a brand new hair style!



Now on to what God has been doing. He continues to stretch me way beyond my bounds in this season of life. My walk has been struggling. Not struggling in the way that I'm losing faith, but struggling with apathy and contentment. And contentment in not a good way. Rather than seeking God and searching His heart, I find myself content with my mediocre season in my walk. I find myself feeling "fine" and not digging deeper. Content with merely arriving to service minutes before it starts and leaving seconds after it's over. Content in reading devos, scribbling down my "SOAP", and then moving on to homework. Content in singing Christian songs but not entering into a place of worship. Content with my feelings of loneliness and instead of searching out relationship, wallowing in my own aloneness.

I find myself in a place of contentment....that is not at all fulfilling or pleasing.
So what now? How do I pull myself out of a place apathy? How do I renew my waning passion?

Honestly, I'm not exactly sure. Some possible solutions include as such:
Fellowship: Western is an amazing school, unfortunately it has been difficult to find good fellowship, to establish solid relationships that challenge me in my faith. I need to search out a small group and seek friendships with those who can help establish me in my faith and push me to grow.
Scripture: Yes, I do my daily devos. But often I find myself reading the "bare necessities" and then moving on to my academic readings. Do I really dive into the Word? Not at all.
Prayer: I find this one to be the most important. In my devos, of course I do the "P" to my SOAP journaling but how many times do I really call out to my God? Pray about those I love? Pray for my school, my church, my friends and family? Prayer is more than just putting aside 5 minutes a day to go down your list, it's spending time in your relationship with God.

The past couple of months have been extremely difficult for me. While I find great excitement in living on my own, moving away from home, and being my own person (and trust me, I do!!), transition is difficult. As winter comes, so does the repeating pattern of mild depression. Or maybe not so mild. But as much as I struggle, I know God has me and will never forsake me.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.